Getting Unstuck: Using Scaling to Create Change

Stuck can look like a hundred different things, but it usually feels the same: spinning, second-guessing, and waiting for clarity that never arrives. I share a simple tool I use when life feels mired, a 1 to 10 rating scale that turns a vague problem into something you can actually move. No complicated worksheets, no perfection, just an honest number and one practical next step. 

We walk through how to pick a situation that is not going the way you want, rate it based on gut instinct, and then ask the question that creates momentum: what would it take to get one point higher? If you are at a 5, what makes it a 6, or even a 5.5? That small shift is where motivation comes back online, because it focuses you on change you can influence instead of outcomes you cannot control. 

I also apply the rating scale to two common real-life pain points: relationship stress and overwhelm. We talk about communication that makes home or work dynamics more equitable, and why “they need to change” is a dead end if you have not named what you need. For stress management, I share examples like a daily 10-minute walk and setting a boundary with someone who keeps taking more than you can give, along with language you can borrow to say no without being cruel. 

If you want to support the show, I’m running a National Wellness Month special: order my book, Nature Knows: Grow and Thrive Through the Wisdom of Plants, through my website and you can choose a free No Shrinking Violets t-shirt as your gift. Listen, try the one-point question today, then subscribe, share this mini episode with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find it. What situation are you ready to move one point higher?

Transcript

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Welcome And Book Deal

Mary 0:00

Hi, and welcome to a mini episode of No Shrinking Violets. So before I get started today on my most recent ponderings, I want to let you know that I am running a special right now that if you buy a book through my website, which means you're buying it directly from me, I will be shipping it to you so you will pay shipping. Um, if you do that this month, and so I think today is the last day if you're listening to this on a actually listening to it on a Monday. So August 31st, Monday, 2026, is the last day to get this deal. I'm running this deal for National Wellness Month, and actually I got it, got it include this. It's actually National Dog Month. So my puppy Alfie is very excited that I mentioned that in addition to National Wellness Month. He tries to take credit for this idea. But anyway, if you would like to get a copy of my book or more than one, because it's not too early if you do holiday shopping to start to plan ahead. With each order, you get one t-shirt. You do pay shipping on the t-shirt, um, but it's not that much more because I will package it with the book for you. So you just put the book or books in your cart, you will be prompted to choose a free gift. I have three colors, two different designs. They're pretty cool. So that is a t-shirt for this podcast that you get when you purchase one or more copies of my book, Nature Knows Grow and Thrive Through the Wisdom of Plants and Doing This for National Wellness Month. Okay.

The 1 To 10 Rating Method

Mary 1:38

So sometimes I have people that aren't sure where to start with something, they feel mired in something that's not going right, they they sort of stop and start, they don't really know how to get themselves out of it. So I'm gonna talk to you about using a rating scale. And I'm not usually someone who likes to give a numerical value to something. So I'm not, if I'm trying to figure out something, I am not a pro and con person, I am a gut instinct person. But this doesn't really go against that idea. What it's doing is helping you assess where you are and how you can start to have some forward momentum. So think about a situation right now that isn't going as well as you would like. So maybe it is a relationship, maybe it's a friendship, maybe it is a relationship at work, maybe it's a job search, maybe it's something that personally you're trying to figure out. Um, and often those are things that involve other people, but they don't have to. So the way to use a rating scale is to on a scale of one to ten, decide how does this feel to you right now? So if 10 is exactly as you'd like it to be and zero is not even in the ballpark, how are you feeling about the situation? So if it's a five, maybe you're like, well, there's some parts about it that are okay, but I'm often feeling discouraged or I'm feeling stuck, or I don't really know where to go with this. So once you assign a number to it, and it doesn't have to be perfect, you know, just what's your gut tell you? Because see, here's that gut part coming in for me, that gut instinct. Where is that? And you can use a small journal. Maybe you do this each day, maybe you do it every couple days, depends on the situation. So the question that you want to ask yourself after you have figured out how you feel about this on a scale of one to ten is what would it take to get you one more point higher? So if you say, okay, I feel like about this relationship with myself, my spouse, I feel like it's a five right now. So then what would it take for you to get to a six? Now I've had people raise an eyebrow and say, I don't know how it could improve that much. There's only 10 points on the scale. So if you have to do 5.5, that is fine. But what is it, what needs to change, or what is it going to look like to get you closer to a six? So let's say that you feel you're doing the majority of the work at home, and you feel like sometimes your spouse contributes, sometimes he or she doesn't. You want to feel like things are more equitable, you're communicating about this better. So right now it's a five. What would it take to get you to a six? And so that could be what would need to happen is I would need to communicate more clearly. So I want to actually sit down and talk about how this is feeling, talk about what would be helpful to me for my partner to take on. So that's one example of how do you move it ahead? And that would be, you know, something that you could do. You want to think about how you can facilitate a change that will inch it closer to what you want it to look like. Sometimes we can think something like, like in that situation, well, I would like if my spouse would do the dishes half the time. Well, that's great, but part of that means that you have to communicate that. So we need to be careful about having something that someone else needs to do as the thing that improves our situation.

Stress, Boundaries, And Small Steps

Mary 5:51

So let me give you a different example. Let's say you've been feeling a lot of stress and you feel like your ability to handle stress right now is at a three. So, what would it take to get you to a four for things to feel a bit less stressful? And this one you have a lot more control over because it's it's coming from your inner self. I mean, there's obviously things in our environment that contribute as stressors, but the feeling of stress lives in us because stress really comes from how we're thinking about a situation. So often there are specific events or situations happening that are contributing to our level of stress. So when you're thinking about, okay, what would it take to get me to a four, to feel a little bit more in control, to feel a little bit less stress, that might be something where you decide, I'm gonna take it, I'm going to take a 10-minute walk every day. Or it could be I'm going to start to create a boundary with this person because having them continually come to me feels like they're taking advantage of me. So we don't want to say, I'm going to ask Harriet to stop taking advantage of me. That is wanting someone else to do something. Think about what you can do. And that would be set a boundary. That would be you communicating. Harriet, I would love to help you out, but there's a lot on my plate right now. So at least in the short term, I'm not going to be able to help you with X. So start with where you are now. Think about what is the situation you would love to have some change with in your life. On a scale of one to 10, where is it now? What would need to change for it to get closer to the next highest number? And it does help sometimes to just jot notes about this. If you're not a journaler, I get it. But each day maybe do a quick assessment because it's not always going to be linear. There might be a day where you were, you backslide. You started at a five, today you're a four. Think about what was different when it was a five. How can I get back to there? So hopefully that makes

Listener Feedback And What’s Next

Mary 8:08

sense. If you have any ideas or input, don't hesitate to drop me a line. You can text me. There's a link in the show notes. You can also leave me a voice text, or you can email me at nsvpodcast at gmail.com. And actually, I am trying to figure out the future of this podcast because I'm taking on some other responsibilities. And the podcast is really the biggest financial and time investment right now. So I'm trying to figure out what's the impact. And I don't know that because it's up to the listeners. So if you have any input, that would be awesome to help me figure out where I'm going to invest my time going forward writing, consulting, training, keynote speaking. Um, and don't forget Monday, August 31st, the last day to grab a free t shirt with your book order. You do that through my website, maryrothwell.net forward slash shop. And until next time, stop shrinking and start thriving.