No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women
No Shrinking Violets is all about what it truly means for women to take up their space in the world – mind, body and spirit. Mary Rothwell, licensed therapist and certified integrative mental health practitioner, has seen women “stay small” and fit into the space in life that they have been conditioned to believe they deserve. Drawing on 35 years in the mental health field and from her perspective as a woman who was often told to "stay in your lane," Mary discusses how early experiences, society and sometimes our own limiting beliefs can convince us that living inside guardrails is the best -- or only -- option. She'll explore how to recognize our unique essential nature and how to use that to empower a new narrative.Through topics that span psychology, friendships, nature and even gut-brain health, Mary creates a space that is inspiring and authentic - where she celebrates the intuition and power of women who want to chart their own course and program their own GPS.
Mary's topics will include sleep and supplements and nutrition and how to live like a plant. (Yes, you read that right - the example of plants is often the most insightful path to knowing what we truly need to feel fulfilled). She’ll talk about setting boundaries, communicating, and relationships, and explore mental health and wellness: trauma and resilience, how our food impacts our mood and the power of simple daily habits. And so much more!
As a gardener, Mary knows that violets have been misjudged for centuries and are actually one of the most resilient and ecologically important plants in her native garden. Like violets, women are often underestimated, and they can even mistake their unique gifts for weaknesses. Join Mary to explore all the ways the vibrant and strong violet is an example for finding fulfillment in our own lives.
No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women
Stop "Shoulding" All Over Yourself: The Power of Self-Talk
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Have you ever caught yourself saying "I should have done better" or "I shouldn't have eaten that"? These seemingly harmless words might be wreaking havoc on your mental health without you even realizing it.
In this illuminating mini-episode, we explore the hidden power of the word "should" and how it fuels our inner critic. When we're experiencing anxiety or stress, our physical symptoms often overshadow awareness of our thought patterns. That racing heart, tight chest, or churning stomach demands our attention while negative self-talk runs unchecked in the background.
Renowned psychologist Albert Ellis, founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, colorfully advised his clients to "stop shoulding all over yourself" when caught in these self-defeating thought loops. Why? Because "should" statements create an impossible comparison between our reality and an unattainable ideal, leading to shame, guilt, and increased anxiety. Even as a therapist, I catch myself falling into this trap – thinking I should have exercised earlier or shouldn't have eaten sugar before bedtime.
This week's challenge invites you to become more aware of your "should" statements and replace them with gentler alternatives. Instead of harsh self-judgment about past choices, try infusing humor and forward-thinking language: "That wasn't ideal, but next time I'll try something different." Consider enlisting a friend to help catch these statements in your everyday speech.
Ready to transform your inner dialogue? Listen now and learn how small shifts in your self-talk can lead to profound changes in how you feel. Your relationship with yourself deserves kinder language.
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Hey, welcome to a mini episode of no Shrinking Violets. I have always believed that words have a tremendous amount of power, and even the words that we say to ourselves in our head, and honestly, they probably have the most power, and I also think they are the things that are the most difficult to recognize that they're happening, to recognize that they're happening. So when I have a client that talks about, I'll say, anxiety, because it's the most common issue that presents itself in my office, we sometimes get into the question of what are you saying in your head or what are you thinking, and I often have clients tell me I'm not thinking anything, and I know for sure that they are. But what tends to happen is they're feeling the anxiety and it's hard to focus on what's going on in your head when you're consumed with that feeling of racing heart et cetera. So I want to talk a little bit about trying to focus on what is happening in your head when you're feeling pressure, and pressure in your body often can be a feeling in your chest, it can be a stomachache, a headache, whatever.
But one of the words that we often use is the word should. I should be doing this, I should be eating better. I should have exercise today. And that word has a lot of shame potential, because when we use the word should in that inner critic kind of dialogue, it is a comparison between the ideal which, by the way, is not achievable and what's happening in our own lives. So Albert Ellis, he was a psychologist and he came up with the idea of rational emotive behavior therapy, rebt, and he focused a lot on these types of irrational beliefs and the self-defeating habits that kind of come with the unrealistic demands, and one of the things he used to say to his clients is stop "shoulding” all over yourself. So I'm going to challenge you this week to be aware of when you use that word in your mind or even when you speak it out loud, because we often say that to somebody Sort of I don't know.
Sometimes I use that and I am not immune to many of the things that I talk about, which is, I think, why I have the awareness, in addition to what presents itself in my office. So I catch myself saying you know what? I should have walked when I got up this morning, or I shouldn't have eaten the extra cupcake, or I have a poor night of sleep and I think I shouldn't have had sugar at the end of a meal before bed. So all of those things, but trying to be aware when you say it and stop yourself and just be a little more gentle. So gosh, that wasn't an ideal choice.
I often suggest people infuse a little bit of humor because it's done, you can't undo it. So shoulding all over yourself is not helping, it's only making you feel worse. And so trying to think about it instead of using the word should, think in the terms of like. The next time I'm going to try to make a different choice, choice using the word healthy instead of bad. So for this week I'm going to challenge you, and maybe you can enlist the help of a friend to try to catch you if you say this out loud Stop shoulding all over yourself, recognize when you use that word should or shouldn't, to kind of evaluate your behavior and just try to steer it in a little bit of a gentler direction and use a word that is not so sort of definitive and critical. And until next time, go out into the world and be the amazing, resilient, vibrant violet that you are.
