No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women
No Shrinking Violets is all about what it truly means for women to take up their space in the world – mind, body and spirit. Mary Rothwell, licensed therapist and certified integrative mental health practitioner, has seen women “stay small” and fit into the space in life that they have been conditioned to believe they deserve. Drawing on 35 years in the mental health field and from her perspective as a woman who was often told to "stay in your lane," Mary discusses how early experiences, society and sometimes our own limiting beliefs can convince us that living inside guardrails is the best -- or only -- option. She'll explore how to recognize our unique essential nature and how to use that to empower a new narrative.Through topics that span psychology, friendships, nature and even gut-brain health, Mary creates a space that is inspiring and authentic - where she celebrates the intuition and power of women who want to chart their own course and program their own GPS.
Mary's topics will include sleep and supplements and nutrition and how to live like a plant. (Yes, you read that right - the example of plants is often the most insightful path to knowing what we truly need to feel fulfilled). She’ll talk about setting boundaries, communicating, and relationships, and explore mental health and wellness: trauma and resilience, how our food impacts our mood and the power of simple daily habits. And so much more!
As a gardener, Mary knows that violets have been misjudged for centuries and are actually one of the most resilient and ecologically important plants in her native garden. Like violets, women are often underestimated, and they can even mistake their unique gifts for weaknesses. Join Mary to explore all the ways the vibrant and strong violet is an example for finding fulfillment in our own lives.
No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women
When Something Just Feels Wrong: The Signs of a Sociopath
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Something feels wrong, but you can't quite put your finger on it. You find yourself constantly second-guessing your own perceptions and wondering if you're the problem. Sound familiar? You might be dealing with a sociopath.
This mini-episode dives into the confusing and often devastating experience of encountering someone with sociopathic tendencies. Drawing from personal experience of having to leave a beloved job due to a toxic boss, I share the warning signs that something isn't right in a relationship or workplace dynamic. With an estimated one in 25 people encountering a sociopath in their lifetime, this information is more relevant than you might think.
I explore Martha Stout's invaluable insights from her books "The Sociopath Next Door" and "Outsmarting the Sociopath," breaking down the telltale behaviors: excessive flattery, false kindness, blatant lying, playing the victim, intimidation, and cold-blooded betrayal. The most challenging aspect of these encounters is the fundamental difference in how sociopaths approach relationships—they simply lack the empathy that most of us take for granted.
Perhaps the most valuable advice I share is not about identifying sociopaths, but about how to protect yourself. Emotional reactions are fuel to a sociopath, so maintaining calm neutrality is essential. And if you've already escaped such a relationship, the goal isn't hatred or revenge, but reaching a place of apathy—a liberating state where their actions no longer have power over you. Whether you're currently navigating a confusing relationship or healing from past harm, this episode offers validation and practical strategies for moving forward with strength and clarity.
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Hi, welcome to a mini episode of no Shrinking Violence. So I'm going to talk today about sociopaths. Now, I only talk in these minis for less than seven minutes, so we're not going to dig too deep into this, but it's been on my mind because I had a situation that was so impactful in my life and it meant that I needed to leave a job that I loved because I had a boss that had behaviors that were so disconcerting and upsetting. I'm gonna stop short of saying sociopathic, but I'm gonna describe some of the things that happened, because I read somewhere that I think one in 25 people encounter a sociopath. So those aren't low odds. You're going to know that something is wrong, because here's one of the key things and I'm going to get a lot of my information that I'm telling you today.
Speaker 1:I got it from Martha Stout. She wrote the Sociopath Next Door and she also wrote Outsmarting the Sociopath, and these are just so validating if you've been in a situation where you've encountered someone like this. So the first thing is that it's very confusing because they don't operate in relationships like most of us do. Most of us care about the other person. We have empathy If we've done something. Usually it's inadvertent. If we've done something to hurt someone, we will acknowledge that or we feel it. We feel upset about that because we've done something that impacts somebody else. Someone with sociopathic tendencies lacks all of this, and it can be confusing because at first and I will tell you, even though this is not the first one in my life that I've encountered and I'm not talking about in my work although sociopaths are probably the last people that would choose to go to therapy, they go because someone forces them to go. This is an enduring personality disorder, so they don't change, and I don't say that lately. But the thing that's confusing is these people do things and we're like wait, I must have misunderstood. This has to be me, I must be not understanding something or misinterpreting it and will continue to try harder to connect with this person or please them. So I'm going to look down at my phone for a second because I want to read to you a list of things that Martha Stout included in Outsmarting the Sociopath, and almost every single one of these was true for me and the person that impacted my life. So, flattering the victim all the time attempts to appear kind and helpful, and this is where it gets confusing, because they will give compliments or the line that was used. I couldn't wait to work with you. I heard so much about you. Attempts to oh, I said that one appear kind and helpful Lying Now, this is the one that I think, even though I am very well past this, because I had contact recently with the person from my life and I am at a point where I have apathy and that's really where you kind of want to get to, because if you have hate, that's not good.
Speaker 1:If you are, you know, feeling resentful or you want revenge, that's all getting worked up about something you can't change. When you get to a point where it's nothing, you know, you feel nothing, that's a wonderful place to be. But the lying to me was, I mean things that were said. We're not used to somebody lying to us, just flat out lying, and so I think when that happens we assume the default is often well, it must be true. But if it doesn't match what you know and the lies can often be about things about you, somebody said this about you so when that happens, you know, all of us, I think, somewhere inside have a little bit of self-doubt, so it goes right into the core of that self-doubt Right Um, the pity play. So when you start to get some strength and realize I have to do something about this, I have to act a different way, they're excellent at making you feel guilty for that. They need something from you.
Speaker 1:Blaming intimidation the intimidation was just wicked. So if it's a situation at work, you know it's someone that has some control over you. If they're your supervisor, if it's a relationship with a partner and there are children involved, there's a lot at stake. So, and the final thing is cold-blooded betrayal. So true, I still have no idea what this person might have said about me.
Speaker 1:I've stopped caring because, again, there's nothing I can do about it, and I have to trust that the people that were surrounding the situation had a chance to know me. I had known them for quite a long time. Situation had a chance to know me. I had known them for quite a long time. So I really felt compelled to talk about sociopathy, because we use that word often. We also use narcissist a lot, and it's one of those things where there is a diagnosis for these things. It's very clear how to diagnose it. So I'll talk more about narcissism later, in another episode.
Speaker 1:But if you have someone in your life that you feel it doesn't make sense. Their behavior doesn't make sense. One of the keys I will tell you is at all costs, try not to have an emotional reaction, because that's like pouring gas on a fire. That's what motivates them. But if you need more tips, I can't recommend anything more highly than Martha Stout's books the Sociopath Next Door and Outsmarting the Sociopath. They're excellent. So thanks for listening today. If you have any comments, you can text me directly at the link in the show notes or comment. I would love if you would even leave a review. You don't have to write anything. You can just give me the stars and until next time, go out into the world and be the amazing, resilient, vibrant Violet that you are.
