No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women
No Shrinking Violets is all about what it truly means for women to take up their space in the world – mind, body and spirit. Mary Rothwell, licensed therapist and certified integrative mental health practitioner, has seen women “stay small” and fit into the space in life that they have been conditioned to believe they deserve. Drawing on 35 years in the mental health field and from her perspective as a woman who was often told to "stay in your lane," Mary discusses how early experiences, society and sometimes our own limiting beliefs can convince us that living inside guardrails is the best -- or only -- option. She'll explore how to recognize our unique essential nature and how to use that to empower a new narrative.Through topics that span psychology, friendships, nature and even gut-brain health, Mary creates a space that is inspiring and authentic - where she celebrates the intuition and power of women who want to chart their own course and program their own GPS.
Mary's topics will include sleep and supplements and nutrition and how to live like a plant. (Yes, you read that right - the example of plants is often the most insightful path to knowing what we truly need to feel fulfilled). She’ll talk about setting boundaries, communicating, and relationships, and explore mental health and wellness: trauma and resilience, how our food impacts our mood and the power of simple daily habits. And so much more!
As a gardener, Mary knows that violets have been misjudged for centuries and are actually one of the most resilient and ecologically important plants in her native garden. Like violets, women are often underestimated, and they can even mistake their unique gifts for weaknesses. Join Mary to explore all the ways the vibrant and strong violet is an example for finding fulfillment in our own lives.
No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women
Expect the Expected: Managing Disappointment (Mini)
Thoughts or comments? Send us a text!
Have you ever found yourself deeply disappointed by someone who behaved exactly as they always do? That moment when you share exciting news with a loved one, only to have them immediately make it about themselves—again. That's exactly what we're diving into today.
"Expecting the expected" might sound like settling for less, but it's actually a pathway to freedom. Drawing from over three decades in mental health and my own lived experiences, I explore how we often create idealized versions of our relationships that don't match reality. Through a revealing client story about a mother who consistently failed to celebrate her daughter's achievements, we examine why we keep hoping people will suddenly become someone they've never been.
This mini-episode isn't about giving up on relationships—it's about seeing them clearly. When someone shows you who they are repeatedly, the disappointment isn't in their behavior; it's in the gap between reality and your expectations. Whether it's a parent who can't stop centering themselves, a friend who always cancels plans, or a partner who dismisses your feelings, recognizing patterns allows you to make conscious choices about your emotional investment.
The real transformation happens when you stop trying to change others and start honoring your own needs. Sometimes this means leaning away instead of leaning in. Sometimes it means maintaining boundaries while adjusting expectations. And in truly toxic situations, it might mean stepping back entirely. Whatever you choose, it comes from a place of clarity rather than wishful thinking.
Text me your thoughts using the link in the show notes, and join me next week for another bite-sized reflection on taking up your space—mind, body, and spirit.
Follow me on Facebook and Instagram, and check out my website!
I'm Mary Rothwell, and today's mini-episode is a little pocket of insight to carry with you into your day If you're new here. This podcast is all about what it truly means for women to take up their space mind, body and spirit. After more than three decades in the mental health field and plenty of my own lived experience, I've seen how women are often told, subtly or directly, to stay in their lane, to be agreeable, accommodating and small. But here's the truth you were never meant to live inside those guardrails. I believe we know who we are and what we want somewhere inside. I think we've just forgotten or it's gotten covered up by other people's expectations. In these short episodes, I'll offer bite-sized reflections on the themes we explore in longer conversations things like sleep boundaries, nourishment, relationships, overcoming really hard things and actually what we can learn from plants, because y'all know and actually what we can learn from plants because y'all know, if you've listened to anything that I've said or written, that I love plants. So, whether you're walking the dog, sipping your morning tea or just taking a quiet moment in the car, this is your time to grow your mind and take up your space. Okay, so I'm going to talk to you today about expecting the expected. Okay, so I'm going to talk to you today about expecting the expected.
Speaker 1:I think we all have those relationships with someone in our life where we feel like they aren't showing up, like we're showing up, and sometimes it's been a lifetime of disappointment. So I'm going to give you a little example from a client that I worked with and she was talking to me about her mom and I had known we'd worked together for several months. I knew a little about her mom and she was talking about having a really great accomplishment that happened to her. She achieved something really cool and the first person she wanted to tell was her mom, which makes sense. So she called her mom and she told her and within about 45 seconds, her mom turned the conversation around to her life and what was wrong and what was going on. And so, as this client was talking to me about this, you know how upset she was and why can't my mom just be there for me and hear me and celebrate my achievements? And I said to her well, doesn't your mom always do this? Now, I don't like the word always, but this mom's pretty consistent and she said to me yeah, she does. I said so and she is actually the one that said I should expect the expected and I said yeah, and we joked about making that into a bumper sticker. But I think the thing was that she had this idea of who her mom should be or what a mom should be, and she kept wanting this relationship and wanting her mom to be this person and I think we all have some of these people her mom to be this person, and I think we all have some of these people.
Speaker 1:I think there are times where we've invested in something and maybe we do this over and over again and we think it's going to be different. So it might be somebody that doesn't plan time with us like we plan time with them, or they might cancel, often at the last minute, and when it happens we feel that same disappointment or even hurt, but they always do it, or they do it most of the time. So I think when you're in a situation like this, deciding how you want to show up going forward, you might decide you're going to keep doing it and sometimes with a child, that we might decide to do that. That doesn't mean it's the best choice for your mental health, but you can decide how you want to proceed.
Speaker 1:The thing to be careful about is doing something with the intent to change the other person's behavior. So sometimes the silent treatment. We do that and we think it's going to change somebody else's behavior. So when you're thinking about these relationships, think about how you might want to show up differently and that might mean that you lean away instead of leaning in. It may mean that if it's truly unhealthy or to the level of toxic, you might decide you don't want to invest anything in that relationship anymore. There's a whole continuum.
Speaker 1:But I think the first step is really just deciding if this is a situation where you are being shown consistently who this person is and remember it's not always something that is done to hurt you intentionally. We do what we need to do to meet our own needs. So that person maybe has other needs that they're prioritizing. They likely do so. It's not personal, but I think expect the expected and look at behavior through a very clear lens and then you decide what you need to do going forward for yourself. Thanks for joining me in today's shorty episode. If you have comments, I would love to hear them. You can text me individually at the link in the show notes and stay tuned next week for my next short episode. Thank you.
